Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Is it a Crime...

...to be single?

Forgive me if I come across as a little annoyed, but when was it a crime to be OK with being single?  When was the rule established that a woman needed to get herself into (and maintain) a relationship by any means necessary? 

I'm not old, but I'm not young either and it has taken the entire decade of my 20s and half of my 30s to be OK with being alone.  I'm not saying I don't get the occasional pang of loneliness, and I am not about to preach about not needing a man and all of that other pseudo-women's lib stuff that is shouted from the rooftops by women who are trying to overcompensate for not wanting to admit that they are a little lonely.  This is simply my opinion on my own experiences, so here are the facts:
  • I think it would be nice to be in a "healthy" relationship
  • If I never got married (or maintained some kind of long term healthy relationship) I would be disappointed (in myself) but shit, life goes on and needs to be lived, not mourned
  • I have no freaking idea what it is like to be in a healthy relationship. I have not had much practice
  • Relationships are a lot of work, so I am actually more comfortable not having to do all of that work (although I would like to be inspired enough to do it for the man for me)
  • In my home I make the rules... I'm in charge.  It's exhausting, but easier for me. I don't have to check with anyone else when making decisions (see, easy)
  • It may very well never happen for me, and it's not the fault of men, but me.
  • I like me, but clearly not sure if a man will like me enough to stick with me through the 'trials' part of a relationship
  • I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want

That's not everything, but it's enough to share with the world, and for me, it's my truth.  So I wonder, why is it that others feel they can impose their own ideas of where I should be in my life with regard to my relationship/ marital status, or lackthereof?

Recently went to a wedding, and with the exception of a specified color scheme, the theme was 'you're cool if you're in a relationship.'  That made it very uncomfortable for the couples who I shared a table with because every little activity was for 'couples.'  One couple even felt so bad for me that the wife suggested that her husband dance with me so I wouldn't feel left out of the festivities, lol!  Never in my life have I ever felt paranoid about being dateless - until then.  And the experience made me realize that I really need to think about rsvp'ing to weddings should I be asked to join such important festivities.

Also recently, I ended a "friendship" with a man. Knowing from the beginning that the sparks necessary for a real romance were absent, I made it clear that we could only be friends.  Didn't work, and after being asked one too many times if I were seeing another man (even though I wasn't seeing this one), I decided that we couldn't even be friends (well, I could, but he couldn't) and I ended up having to cut off all communication as well as test my pepper spray just in case dude continued to express the "special" behavior I'd witness on the phone, via email and text, in person (as far as I'm concerned, there is absolutely no reason for him to be in my neighborhood, so if I see him around here, and I happen to be behind the wheel of my car, I'm running him over first and asking questions second).  And in all the meelee, what does ole boy tell me?  "You really need to stop pushing men away, we're not getting any younger and no one wants to be alone." That pissed me off because I wasn't pushing men away, I was pushing his crazy ass away, and if he'd checked out my list above, sure not many people want to be alone (myself included), but it's damn easy not having to answer to someone (like him).

I should be given a pat on the back for no longer putting myself in situations where I try to force something to work.  I'm not wasting the time of a man who I have no passion for, and most importantly I'm not wasting mine.  I'm not trying to change some man into what I want him to be, and I am way too set in my fundamental ways to change for someone else.  For the dude who is right for me, none of this would even be an issue, but I clearly have not met that dude.  So what does all of this mean?  It means, I know myself probably better than I ever have. And if I know something isn't going to work for me, or I'm not going to work for it, why in the hell would I even bother?  And what the hell is wrong with that?  If you ask me... not a damn thing!

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