Friday, June 11, 2010

The Skin I'm In

I have stuck with the program, drinking my water, eating or drinking my vegetables too.  I also take Omega 3-6-9 supplements and I add a flax seed and fiber powder to my health shakes that I drink everyday.  I used pure Aloe Vera as my facial and upper body moisturizer, I do the oil cleansing method... I don't drink soda, rarely eat candy, even rarely eat my beloved chips.... so why am I breaking out?

I have ad an acne problem since I was 13.  I'm now 35.  And I would venture to say that the real problem was the hyper-pigmentation (when I was young my mom didn't know anything about bad skin so when I got a white head she would pop it (sorry, it's gross, but wait until I write about how all these vegetables are playing with my digestive system!). I hated that she did that, and it also left me feeling even more ashamed (because I'm already going through this in junior high school and high school).  I got to the point where I started to handle white and black heads like she did all because I didn't want her digging in my face.  And with that came a never-ending battle with hyper-pigmentation.  When I was younger, kids (and adults, believe it or not) would make fun of me saying I looked like I had AIDS.  Now, being the nerd that I was, I knew that just because I had dark spots on my skin that didn't mean I had AIDS (I'd done the research in school), but it hurt me so deep to my core that I have only recently began to think of myself as "actually a little bit attractive." I knew that kids would say horrible things that didn't make sense, but to hear adults say that too just messed with my self esteem.

Anyway, I was doing good with my skin.  The water was flushing me out, the aloe was doing things that all of the other medications and over the counter (and under the counter) treatments hadn't done.  I spent so much money on makeup and medications over the past 20 years that I could have probably paid my student loans off with it by now.  But like I said, I was feeling good.  Didn't have to wear makeup to cover up the dark spots when I went to the store around the corner.  It really has been a release from a self imposed prison for me.  And then all of a sudden, about 2 weeks ago I break out. And I wonder what the heck is going on because I haven't broken out in years (sure a pimple or two during that time of the month, but not various little bumps).  I even started using a Benzoyl peroxide wash again because I don't know what the heck is happening. 

Although I don't know what is happening, I know what's going to happen this weekend - I'm going to give myself a facial, find some recipes that use Aloe and maybe tea tree oil, as their main ingredients, and drink mostly water - I may even just take in liquids (I may).

I guess I needed to vent my frustrations because I have never felt good about how I look (oh the stories).  Getting teased by my peers and adults was not fun and it crushed my self esteem.  It made me feel like I wasn't worth much because people used my looks as an excuse to be cruel toward me.  I was just starting to always walk around with my head held high because I finally started to feel like people were looking at me and not the spots on my face, and now this.  I will take it all in stride - it's what I do, but I will also fight for that good feeling I've been having, being comfortable with me, and finally, actually believing that I am a little bit cute!  Anyway, forgive me, I'm just having a moment.  This too shall pass - but I wanted to share some of the various ways this challenge has helped me look at myself.  Sorry for the long post.  Be well everyone!

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