Thursday, August 5, 2010

Can you be half turned on... and is that enough?

'Expect the unexpected' is a statement that is true many times, especially when it comes to romance and sex and relationships (I believe these words are not synonymous by the way). A lot of times we may meet someone and have instant chemistry (even if that chemical reaction is one-sided), and other times we may meet someone and think they're cool, but not feel that spark that pushes you toward attraction, lust or love.  But what about the times when there is something about someone that turns you on, but it's not the whole package?  Is that enough? 

I've had the experience of trying to force a relationship to work because I started to believe that a) I was too picky; b)no man would be interested in a single mother; c) I still wasn't attractive enough to land a man (moreso of the "I'm not walking around with my tits and ass hanging out" in the hopes of scoring a dude; d)I just wasn't meant for "all that" (my nickname for love and 'healthy' relationships).  So when I met this one man, there was an interest (I think we both said all the things the other wanted to hear, but putting it into real practice seemed to be difficult for some of us  - uh, not me, but anyway...), and I tried to make it work, but I knew that it was going no where.  After that relationship ended, I detoxed from "all that" for about 4 years.  And now I find myself standing at the same crossroads that has me asking 1) Can one be half turned on? and 2) Is it enough?

I already know the answer to number 2 - hell no it's not enough.  I know that from experience.  But the 'half-turned on" thing - I think the answer may be yes.  I also know that trying to make a relationship out of being half turned out can only lead to massive heart ache either for myself or the gentleman.  It's amazing how one person can see something and another person see something completely different, and yet still connect on so many other levels.  Anyway, since I prefer to only watch repeats on television and not in real life, I'm going to have to walk away, but it's so unfair in general (to not be completely turned on by someone, to be on the receiving end of someone who isn't completely turned on by you, and for one of the parties to make the adult decision to cease and desist before drama ensues).  I've never been one to have a line of dudes trying to get my attention so being in this position is weird - to walk away from opportunity - but I think it's growth to actually know when to step away.  Life is indeed strange.

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