Thursday, July 15, 2010

Can Guys F*ck Hair?

I have been wondering the answer to that particular question for at least a decade and a half.  And I don't mean to be funny about it, but I legitimately want to know if guys can f*ck hair because over the years I have heard and seen some things!

I have heard of women with boyfriends who threaten to end the relationships if the woman either  a) cut her hair to chin length, and/ or  b)went natural.  And then I think of the numerous pro-black, dashiki-wearing, Africa medallion slanging, loc-having guys I knew back in high school who would call a black girl in boarding school a sell out in a heart beat, but only dated girls with super silky straight, fine hair (no offense to my silky straight sisters out there - we all need love).  And then there are the compliments I would get when I was younger, ONLY when my hair was pressed (and a side-eye when I wore my Freddie hair [an "A Different World"* reference for those of us over 35!]).  Or the ex-boyfriend who would always tell me how he missed long ponytails like that of his Puerto Rican ex-girlfriend (don't worry, the first time he said those words I was already planning my escape!).  Those are just a couple of a bucket full of 'situations' that I have witnessed, but I surely won't list them all.

I know there are foot and shoe fetishes, lingerie fetishes, heck, there's probably even armpit fetishes (there's just something about curling up under a guy in that armpit area that.... sorry, haven't had a date in years... anyway, lol!).  There are also submissive fetishes with dudes wearing pampers and being spanked and sucking on pacifiers (hey, don't act like you never watched any of those HBO "Documentaries at 3 in the morning!)... all kinds of obsessions, but hair!  Some dudes actually threaten to leave their women because of hair!  Dudes, who I am sure have photos somewhere in a vault where they rocked the 'Gumby' hairstyle!  Dudes who at one time or another, recreated - on a daily basis - the scene in Coming to America* when Darryl's parents and Grandmomma got up from the couch and left those three jherri curl juice stains on the couch!

Look, I know we all have physical preferences, and we have a right to have those preferences, but when you criticize and threaten the women that you supposedly love (?) about their hair - and she hasn't shaved everything but an Alfalfa (Little Rascals)* curl, stuck a piece of metal through her nose and started chanting in Dutch - I think we can call that behavior a little bit of an overreaction.  So tell me guys, can you f*ck hair... and is it good for ya (just curious!),

*Sorry for including references to A Different World, Coming to America, and The Little Rascals, but there was nothing to draw from in today's current media!

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