Saturday, March 26, 2011
Sounds like a Dr. Dre album, right? lol! Well, it is dammit!
I cut off the emotional fat I mentioned in a previous post. I had no choice. It was either go mad, or save myself, and when I did it, after I'd done it I felt a weight the size of a ton lifted off my back.
It's never fun to break the heart of someone you love, but what are you supposed to do when they keep stabbing you in yours? Stand there and take it? For decades? What I have decided to do is wish everyone well and work on me, with the hope that in the future, when everyone is ready to acknowledge and address outstanding issues, there can be one big happy family. If that day comes, great. If not, I have have to live and preferably be happy in the process, so great either way.
Interestingly, for the first time in I think my entire life, I feel free to implement the kind of changes I know I've needed in my life for a long time, the only difference being that I don't feel the obligation to bring a whole gang along with me. I am a solo act when it comes to working on my sanity, happiness, quest for knowledge, peace, excitement and wholeness. I'm getting older. I want to get old. I want to be around to see my son's many achievements... be a grandmother to his children... be a pillar in his time of need as an adult... to still say funny and raunchy things at times that will earn me the label "bawdy old broad!" Whether I have financial success or success in my chosen artistic field - at the end of the day, before it all fades to black, I need to know that I made this a good run. And so it begins (or "began" about two months ago), and I, therefore, offer a belated "On your mark...set...go!"
Photo courtesy of the Digital Photography School