Saturday, December 10, 2011


My body has changed drastically in the past year and a half.  I have gained 15 lbs.  Oh-my-freaking-gosh!
Couple that with the my recent digestive problems and we have ourselves a metabolism meltdown that has left me with a (gasp) belly!  Sorry, this is very difficult for me to comprehend - I truly believe that I am in some serious denial, or at least I was until recent shopping excursions left me purchasing clothes anywhere from 1 - 2 sizes larger than what I consider normal for me.  But the belly thing - me looking like I did when I was 5 months pregnant, and I ain’t pregnant (note: I didn’t start showing until I was 5 months pregnant, so I wasn’t huge, it’s just that it was physically clear that if you looked at me, you could see that I was maybe pregnant).  Anyway, I am not pregnant, and as a result, I do not want to look pregnant.  Also, I see the weight gain in my face - oh my gosh!!!! Oh my freaking gosh! Shyt!

And the screwed up thing about this is that I started running, and I love it, and my legs do too, but my belly doesn’t, so what’s up with that?  I’m not eating ice-cream everyday.  I drink occasionally, but not even every week.  I drink a shit load of water daily.  I’m not snacking on chips everyday, so seriously WTF?

Ok, I kinda know what could possibly have contributed to this 15 pound weight gain in under 2 years.

I don’t eat enough. I (most of the time) track my food intake with MyFitnessPal, and the thing gave me a 1200 daily calorie goal, and, well, I don’t always meet it (and the 1200 calorie goal is my suggested minimum!)

I don’t work out every day.  I used to. 20 minutes of some cardio / strength training workout after I dropped me kid off at school.  Now I do it sporadically.  I just got so frustrated with not seeing any major results physically that I did get turned off, but I would work my ass off every weekend.  And doesn’t running around all day count?  Apparently not!

I don’t take my meds / supplements every day. I need about 10 pills to supplement my weak blood and other chronic issues, and even though it takes 30 seconds to a minute to swallow all those damn pills, sometimes I just say F-it!  Lately, I’m lucky if I take my daily prescribed meds (my apologies to my Grandma - RIP - for me criticizing her for not taking her meds on time and every day.  I get it now).

I still don’t sleep enough. This started way back when, when I was a junior in high school.  I went to boarding school and once you became a junior you didn’t have “lights out.”  And then when I moved on to the senior dorms, which had the computer labs in them, and were open all night, well, since I was on scholarship and didn’t have my own computer in my room, well, you see where this is going.  And then when I got to college, I attended full-time while working a full-time job, at the same time, at which point I was getting home at 12:45pm Monday thru Friday (well, I had my weekends off).  So the bad habit that started off as a small snowball, just turned into a gigantic boulder, of ice!  And I have maintained that sleep lifestyle (or lack of), for almost 20 years (I pray, and actually believe that I can in fact turn around the damage that I have done to my body).   It’s only recently - as recent as a few months, that I get an average of 5-6 hours sleep daily.  New goal: definitely a minimum of 6 hours sleep, but the goal is for 7 full hours sleep. (I’ve done good with the 6 hours, but I know it’s still not enough, though I feel better than I have in ages).

And did I mention that I’m going to be 37 in 6 months?  So you see, I need to shit or get off the pot when it comes to getting my shit straight (literally) regarding my entire well being.  And so it begins.

I believe that I have the capacity to be in better health and shape than I have my entire life.  I plan to.  Actually, I’m working on it right now.  This weekend I’m cleansing - just taking it easy with the food intake.  It was supposed to be a complete liquid weekend, but I caved and had a Caesar salad (with croutons!) and the shyt was awesome, no regrets, lol!  But I’ve digressed.  The point is sure, while I was driving to a friend’s place today, instead of putting on music in the car, I half-chanted/ sang “I’m hungry”, BUT I did some mind of matter Jedi mind trick on myself and said that I will stick to the plan of cleansing and getting my nutrients via green smoothies (which I have yet to make), fruits, vegetables, and other lite fan fare (like the incredible Banana Probiotic Yogurt that I had for breakfast).  I haven’t perfected my plan yet, and have reached out to sources for support - including a friend who guides people on a homeopathic/ natural way of living (I figure, just getting her involved in my journey holds me even more accountable because even she will be expecting results).  I’m looking into the kinds of changes that I know my body is going through, investigating what I perceive to be my overacting cortisol levels, and fine tuning my workout plan (I did 3 miles on the track today - running 1.5 miles straight and then alternating between speed walking and jogging an additional half mile - I have to jog instead of sprint as a result of my chronic asthma).

By the way, in the middle of typing this I made a green smoothie (spinach, banana, strawberry, carrots, banana yogurt & blueberries) and it looks like diarrhea in a cup, but I’m drinking it!  (it doesn't have an attractive smell either, but oh well... bottoms up!

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