Oh. My. Gosh.
I am looking at this movie titled Diary of a Tired Black Man and Oh My Gosh! Pardon me, but I'm going to have to take a couple of deep breaths in between each paragraph I write - heck, maybe even every sentence.
OK, here I go. I happen to be flipping through the channels and fall on the channel with this film that I'd heard about many years ago. Usually I am a strong supporter of films by people of color, especially independent films, but I'd seen a few clips and figured I'd see if eventually and wasn't in a rush to purchase it.
If there were ever a place to find a whole lotta stereotypes, ding-ding-ding... here it is.
Personally, I hate getting into there 'men ain't shyt, 'women ain't shyt' arguments that's on every Steve Harvey Morning Show or monthly cover of Essense magazine, but I felt more than compelled to speak on this documentary/drama. The narrator/ director - Lord Have Mercy - apparently he is married with kids now but at the time he made this movie, well, I suspect he may have needed to talk to someone as well.
Well, here are some quotes or paraphrased statements by some of the participants
- women need to seek help and they refuse to do it
- "all men want is respect and peace"
- "all black women have an anger problem"
- An African dude says that most of the problems are with African American women ("they fight!"), and blames black women on why there is less marriage amongst us and why so many of the kids have problems.
- "they mad just 'cause they can't get they way" (it's not grammatically correct, but that's what he said!
- "women will wear your ass out!"
- "women want a power struggle"
- they test you just to see how you react (a dude did this to me, and I ignored his a$$)
- "they trying to break you down."
- "enough is never enough, no matter what you do"
- One chick says "there are no good black men out there" followed by "well, I haven't met any."
- "a man is gonna do something to make a woman mad"
So now I'm going to get subjective. I did not have the love of my father. I have never been in a healthy relationship, and I have tried. I even went so far - once, no, actually twice - as to compromise my needs in an effort to make it work, but that didn't last very long.
When I get to know a man I don't put on my interview voice, I'm just me. And while being me I have found that I'm the chick who doesn't show up at your job and act a 'fool for love' (I'm actually the chick who the other woman comes to her job to let me know that she has my man while he waits outside across the street, lol - which means I never really had him in the first place). The same dude used the excuse of me working so much (40 hrs a week) as the excuse to cheat (instead of just saying 'this ain't working out no more'). I was told by another ex, "we don't argue" (that was a complaint). Another walked out on me when I refused to get intimate minus him wearing a condom (literally walked out, like got dressed and left and didn't talk to me for 6 weeks). Another "friend" who was initially cool with our 'friends with benefits situation" got mad at me for not calling him everyday, and at one point proceeded to call my cell, my land line, text, and email me constantly until I answered.
Now, it would be so easy to allow these instances to taint my view of men, but I think I've taken the mature approach by looking at past experiences and accepting the real reasons why those situations didn't work out. It is what it is, and who knows where I would have ended up (or who I would have smothered with a pillow in his sleep) had I stuck those situations out. In the grand scheme of things, and at the end of the day my first goal was to like myself - flaws and all. And second, it is to get to the point where I am inspired enough to get pursue and work hard to stay in a healthy relationship. That hasn't happened yet - for various reasons - but my life isn't over yet. If it happens, great. If not, well, I'll just knit, lol! (And not watch this damn headache inducing movie again).