The Quest: Part 1 - Abs

I have to be dramatic.

I'm on a quest for defined abs.

P.S. It was very difficult finding the perfect representation

for what I'm going for. I want abs, but I want to maintain my curves.

This woman's body shape here is closest to mine, except she is toned

and I sadly, am not (for now).

It's nearing the end of February. I turn 38 near the end of May. I've stayed within 10 pounds my weight and form since high school, but some things have shifted... like my abdomen.

I've always been an active person. I played as a kid - let me clarify since today's kids consider sitting around playing videos games as playing. I really played as a kid: double dutch, hand ball, tag, bike riding, climbing (shit I wasn't supposed to be climbing, if my mother only knew!). There was also running, volleyball, aerobics... and then I discovered dance (jazz, tap, ballet, African, Salsa). And then I got a gym membership, and trained with a kickboxing black belt. I have been a busy woman - no wonder I'm always tired.

Well, this 37.85 year old body is acting the fool. Things are trying to hang out, go South - I don't even like the South, I'm a Northern Yankee thank-you-very-much! I've always had a nice shape, but there must be something about this age that I'm at where I am determined to get that 4-pack (not trying to be greedy) that has always alluded me, even when my belly was flat.

So, I did something that I never do. I took photos of my body in my workout gear. It was not flattering. I was possibly (maybe not) going to post them in this entry... I think not. I'm going to save them for my big reveal, BUT I am printing them out and posting them in my work area (which is where I almost always am), as motivation to not just keep active - which is no problem for me - but to meet this physical goal.

Off tangent for a moment: I stopped running over a month ago after my back went out and I couldn't walk for days. Those were some dark days, but I'm walking now. I haven't made it back to the track, and with my new work / school schedule, I'm going to have to do like I did when I first started running - do it on the weekend (Saturday and Sunday, 3 miles each day). One of the great things about my new schedule, though, is that I work 2 and from my daytime activity - 2 miles one way, so I'm getting in 4 miles of walking 4 days a week.

In the meantime, I've taken up boxing again, as well as military interval training, and while that may make me strong, the goal is to tone, so I am taking part in the HangTight with MarC Feel Tight Diet Challenge for the month of March. It's involves a 7 day detox, and diet plan for the month of March. With the crazy schedule that I now have for myself with my various endeavors, I've decided to approach this as I would work - I've created a calendar that will tell me what I am to eat each day (if I don't do this, I fear with all the running around that I won't be successful - and I really think the key to getting that 4-pack is the food that I eat, which brings me to the one thing that I am going to miss the most... and no, it is not the peanut butter ice cream in the freezer.

I actually want to cry. I have one last glass of wine left in the bottle, and then no more. I used to just reserve the wine for the weekends, but it's replaced the mild affection I was receiving after a hard day's work - still can't replace a hug or a kiss, but I did what I had to do. Anyway, tonight I will enjoy my last glass of wine for the month. And then I'll go back to once a week (Saturdays), or investigate alternatives that I will share on this blog.

I'm also giving up the salt (chips, cashews). I already rarely eat red meat, so as an extra push, I'm going to become reacquainted with the egg plant and pursue vegetarian recipes, which I am very excited about since I love to cook.

I'm going to be learning about vegetables beyond my limited scope, and increase my smoothie intake.

When I have gotten to the point where I have comfortably transitioned into an even more healthy lifestyle, not only will I share the photos that I took today, I will take new ones of me in a bikini (and I haven't been in a bikini since I was 4).

I just want to get rid of fat that I don't need, and I think a 15 pound decrease from my 153 lb frame would be beneficial for my physical goals, including taking significant pressure off my back. I could go on and on, but let me just list some initial goals so I can get this started.

• Get into a bikini (and look good in it) by May 23 - my birthday
• Lose 10 lbs by May 23
• Lose a total of 15 lbs, by July 4
• 4-pack abs by May 23 (doesn't have to be chiseled, but if I flex, I want to see some indentation
• Eat a 75% vegetarian diet - which would become the norm - by May 23
• Be able to run 5 miles in 30 minutes by May 23
• Be able to do a yoga head stand by May 23

 That's it for the first part of this lifestyle journey. I'm working on so many wonderful things in my life - my emotions, business, and more, and I feel like it is time to get everything in sync so that I can be successful across the board. It's going to be hard especially because I already don't eat a lot of things that I already don't eat, BUT there is always room to do better.

Survive and Thrive

It's been a while since I last wrote a meaningful post (that last one was a rant), and for good reason.  I could not focus, and could barely function with all that had been going on in my world, and the last thing I wanted to do was write posts that were forced and lack passion. I refuse to lie to the 3 people out there who probably read this blog, and most of all, I refuse to lie to myself (I'd like to think my actions embody the words "keeping it real").

With that, I feel comfortable and awake enough to share that I have just started my second week of being officially unemployed, and while I'm sure I haven't gone through "IT" yet ("IT" meaning 'fit, shit, hit..."etc), it really has taken me this past week to process the changes that comes along with being one of the legions of unemployed people here in America.

First, I have to express to the universe how grateful I am to have been afforded the opportunity to work and pay my bills for the past few years, especially being a "permalance" worker (permanent-temp). I was able to keep my marketing and project management skills sharp, as well as work with a lot of really good people. On the flip side, despite my current circumstance, I would be lying if I didn't admit that I am happy to no longer be working with that small number of people who - per a book that my mother once gave me - are spiritual vampires. While there are many lessons with getting through such rough circumstances (I mean, really, what's up with grown people bullying other grown people? Why haven't these issues been worked out in one's 20's????), I know that my heart, my head, and my son are very happy that I am no longer subjected to the daily confines of a very toxic work environment.

So. I don't have a job. I have a child. He starts school in a little over a month. He's growing like a weed. I get child support occasionally (I won't go further on this because I enjoy maintaining a normal blood pressure level), I have bills. My son can EAT. I need to keep the internet service on (that door to door job search thing ain't working in the Bronx - or at least not for any legal job I can think of!). I have asthma so I need to keep the AC on. Mostly everyone else I know is working during the day. What's a (older) girl to do?

Get it together. And more pointedly, don't screw around with the time I've been given.

If I really 'Luv my Texture' - love the layers that make me who I am, then the last thing I need to do is spend a significant amount of time moping. This doesn't mean that I won't have my moments (oh, I sure did yesterday), but I know that I still HAVE TO get it and make it happen.

What is "it" might you ask (or not ask... I'm gonna tell you anyway)?

"It" is:
1. Recharge my physical and emotional self
2. Reassess my goals, making plans, and carrying them out
3. Establish and stick to a new budget
4. Adjust old and setting new healthy habits
5. Believe in myself, and this journey that I am on
6. Balance all that is on my plate
7. Enjoy life
8. Be GRATEFUL
9. Strengthen my spiritual commitments

I had goals outside of the office. But I was too physically and emotionally spent to give anything to those desires once I left the office. And now, that website that I've been meaning to build, that script that I've been meaning to tweak, those new skills I've been meaning to acquire... well, since I need my internet service to assist in my job search, I might as well add these things to the to do list as well (and actually finish them).

It's scary. Really scary. And it's not like I haven't been in this situation before, but there's something about being older, and the world knowing you're older, and whether they have the belief that you can and will bounce back from something like this. Luckily, I feel like I have no choice in bouncing back even stronger and higher, because I refuse to give up. I'm too stubborn for that.

And with that, here are a couple of activities I do to keep myself physically and emotionally aligned, in an effort to get through this new stage in my life as best as possible:

• Get enough sleep
• Eat healthy, 95% of the time (I had Cheetos this weekend, and I will not have them for another week!  Same thing with drinking - that's the treat for getting through a productive work week)
• Exercise, every morning
• Shower, dress, and fix my hair (simple, but needs to be said)
• Turn off distractions while I'm working (no g-chat, no checking the Facebook page, no chatting on the phone unless it has to do with 'my business'
• Schedule everything (I reference my old college class schedule as inspiration)
• Schedule breaks
• Limit daily job hunting time  and find at least 2 positions to apply to (if possible)
• Get outside for some fresh air
• Relax (as best as possible)
• Don't be petrified to spend money (I'm usually like this, but even more so now. I already know I can grip a penny, so I need to not be so hard on myself with it comes to something like 'buying groceries' or investing in a new business prospect - while being uber-budget conscious as well, of course)

Those are just a few things that I am practicing at this time.
I'm sure things won't be as easy as writing a list, but I intend to do my best to keep my head above water and make it happen! (And write more on my blog!)

New season, New Style

Ok, I will admit straight up - whenever there is a new season, a new year, a new whatever... I declare that I'm going to reboot my life with terms like 'get my sexy back' 'get my grown-woman on' - stuff like that.  Well, I have barely tried, and totally failed, each and every time.  A lot of reason behind my failures is because, no matter what, I just don't see myself as a sexy woman.  I see myself as this chick, on the grind, tired, working 100% but getting 35%, used to being unfulfilled, but still on the grind because it's what I do.

If there is a choice between doing my nails, or doing some laundry - laundry getting done.  Styling hair, cooking a good dinner - I'm gonna cook a good dinner for my son.  Between getting pampered by professionals or saving (or using) the money for something else that might come up - I'm saving the money for what might come up.  I am stuck in a circle of 'everybody else but me,' but trust, I am trying my to  change my ways.

There have been little successes.  I have invested more time toward my health.  I take a boat load of medications and  supplements - many which I already had on hand - every day.  I think I feel a difference.  I also met with several doctors on different problems I'd been dealing and am in the process of trying to make things better.   And just recently I have entered the world of 'calorie counting' (shout out to MyFitnessPal), in with the hopes of controlling the results of my changing metabolism. So, I'm working on it. But I do know that at the end of the day, if I'm not happy in my heart, all of these changes made will be for nothing.  I figure, the fact that I haven't given up means I've already won.