Is it that serious?

I love that there is so much information available on the internet for various things.  I have been stopped with the perms for over a decade, and had been doing exceptionally well with my do's.  I love that there are so many websites and so much more information available to me as well as some who are starting out in this natural hair journey, but I have to ask sometimes - is it that serious?

One time I made a comment on a blog about how I blew out my hair once or twice a week with a hair dryer (GASP!  Are you gagging?) and the verbal ass whupping I got on that site was, at first, laughable.  Later, when the audacity of  tone of several comments by folks named "anonymous", really hit me, I wished I'd had the presence of mind to quip back in the sarcastic nature that I do so very well in person.  And for the ladies who prefaced their comments with "I'm not judging..." uhhh, yeah, you are, and uhhh, it's about how I treat MY hair, so o-k lady.

Anyway, I just find it amazing how, in loving our hair, some folks come across as so judgmental, and downright mean and rude in some cases.  I even realized that this kind of behavior even seeped into my subconscious when I find myself reassuring women with chemically treated hair that "I'm not that kind of 'natural'.  And please note: I used the word "natural" for the example I just gave - I don't walk around calling myself a "natural" - it just comes across as so divisive (like the vegetarian who comments on the slaughter of cows when a person is about to bite into their burger. To me, that's some mean shyt!).

I've recently had to remind myself that I have to do what works best for me, and I have not been doing that - for a while.  I have a relatively healthy head of thick hair and now I want to obtain some more length. In trying to achieve this goal I found myself following routine that, although healthy, was not necessarily the best for me, and as a result, I wasn't seeing any results :(

Well, I done did my hair - the way I've always liked - did my nails, handling my skin care regimen (I'll address that in another entry) and now I gotta figure out what to do with my eye brows. I write all of this to say that I have not - in a very long time - felt the way that I'm feeling about the effort that I am putting into myself in a very long time.  Sure, I'm always short on time - when have I not been?  And sure, this is all so superficial, but it's my time, and I sure feel like I'm worth it, and of course I will have some low days (like yesterday!), but as I say many times, as long as I don't give up, I'ma be all right!

Taking Myself to the Pawn Shop

I'm watching part 2 of Oprah's show that has an audience of 200 men who are victims of sexual abuse, and I've been going through what I will call an emotional boat ride (just a little bit of up and down on the waves) because I have been trying to find the words to explain how I feel about where I am at this point in my life.  I too am a victim of sexual abuse, and had the misfortune of finding out that something similar has happened to my own child, so it could have been easier all of these years to continue coping with what has happened, as opposed to healing and hopefully growing and learning.  But, to get back on topic, I recently found myself trying to offer a good explanation whenever I've been asked "how are you?", and it finally hit me as I was watching part 2 of these special Oprah episodes...

I am past the point of trying to prove to anyone that I am worth something BECAUSE I already know that I am - FINALLY (dammit!).  And it's not to say that I don't and won't have my bad days, but there is something in me that knows that when I go through those moods, it is only a slight detour off the road of where I'm really headed.

That's it.