I hate romance novels

I will admit, I had a lot of them, which means I've read a lot of them, but my affinity for them was always cyclical - I would read 2 books in a week for months, and then go months without reading any of them.  Why?  Because I would always get to the point where I would feel like stir fried shit before I even finished the epilogue.

Don't get me wrong - I love that people have love, fall in love, etc, etc.  Heck, I'm even going to a wedding tomorrow, and I love those (I love seeing my friends share their bliss with the rest of us out there).  But sometimes I get into a funk.  It's not jealously, because I'm gonna be real frank - I wouldn't know what to do with it if I had it, and even proclaimed to a friend of mine recently that I'm not equipped to be any man's wife (to which she immediately accused me of copping out, and to which I didn't deny), although I welcome being pleasantly surprised.

I guess I write all of this now, so late in the day (after having these thoughts marinate in my head all day) because I'm hoping that admitting that I am a mess when it comes to 'love' will somehow help me release that very deficiency into the universe and thus allow me to feel open and free enough to welcome said affliction.  Either that, or I'm nervous about attending another wedding dateless and knowing that all of the people who I already know are attending are attending with their significant others and I'm not looking forward to the "now we have to get you married" comments... or maybe it's just the sangria talking. 

Who knows. But what I do know is that romance novels are hazardous to my health.  Arriba, arriba!

Mean Girls... whatever

I just had to post/ rant about this.

I am 35 years old.  I'm a mom.  I'm well educated.  I work. I pay my bills. I do my thing just like millions of other folks out there maneuvering in a country full of economic and political upheaval, i.e. Important shit.  So why did a supposedly 'grown woman' feel the need to make fun of my hair yesterday? (lol and smh)

I was at a middle school orientation with my son.  We were broken down into groups for a tour and there was an interracial couple (the woman is Latina and the man Afr. American, which is not a big deal to me at all having been in the same situation and now raising a biracial child, anyway...) in our group, with their son.  All is well, and when the tour is over we all get into the elevator to leave, the couple is positioned right next to me.  I gave a nod and a smile (we'd chatted a little bit during the tour) and set my sights on stopping off at Mickey D's before heading home.  So then I hear the woman say to her man "Psst, look at her hair" and then she laughs.  And my immediate response was 1-eyebrow raise, and then 2- "Really?"

First of all, these folks were about in my age range, if not older.  Second, 'perdon chica, pero el pelo de tu esposo y tu hijo es mismo de mio' (in my broken Spanish I wrote 'Excuse me, but the hair of your husband and your child is the same as mine), and third, uhh, how old are you?  And fourth, 'screw you bia-tch because my hair is big and fabulous.

I found it really interesting that a grown woman would resort to that type of behavior as we were both at a school open house for our kids. And I also got irritated because there are still people who have an issue with big, curly, non-processed hair.  I've said it before and I'll say it again  - if my hair isn't grabbing small children, and as long as it's clean and there are no bugs hopping from my scalp to yours, step off (I actually wanted to write something a bit more vulgar, but I'm trying to live by example by taking the high road).  What is it with woman being so critical of other women?  I, personally, am so past all of that, but she instigated a flashback to those times when very few people (because a lot of kids were scared of me) bumped their heads on the kitchen sinks and came to school thinking that that day was a good day to f**k with me.  (Note: despite the previous line, I really am a nice person - but I'm also from the Bronx! lol!)

Product Big Up!

My name is Shak... and I am a recovering product junkie.

I didn't start out this way, but my hair is special in that it has split personality.  Sometimes, it wants shea butter.  Sometimes, it wants aloe.  Sometimes, it wants to be blown straight. Sometimes it says "ahh fugg it, we just gonna curly up and chill!"  As a result of such Sybil-like behavior I have had to sample various hair care and styling products over the years.

Now, I am not a big fan of straight hair.  Even when I was younger and had my hair permed, I would always style it so that it was big to the point where it would defeat the purpose of getting my hair chemically straightened.  So although I am a big: Cree Summer/ Freddie Different World Tracee Ellis Ross hair, there are times, when I feel like taming the beast.

Back in the day, I used to press with a curling iron, hot comb, flat iron, whatever.  Now, I will use a hair dryer and maybe even roller set under a hood dryer. So one day I went into a hair supply store and ask for a little advice on how to blow out my hair to an almost press-like state without perming it, and La Senorita pointed me to this:

Pantene Extra Straight Comb-in-Cream (keeps hair straighter for up to 18 hours).  Ok, so I used this thing a few times back when I was trying everything to change up my style.  It was also at a point when my multiple personality hair was PMSing.  Since I'd chopped off half my hair 6 months ago (and regained almost all of the length I cut back), my mop has been healthier than ever.  I've adopted a less is more attitude about products and have even gotten rid of a bunch of stuff.  I pressed my hair once in the past 6 months (and then immediately washed it out because I couldn't get with the flat hair look).  I even stopped using a blow dryer over the summer months, and the times when I have used a dryer recently, it's been once a week and on a medium heat setting.  So I got a lot of virgin hair on my head that been in protective styles - for the most part - for over 6 months.  Well, this weekend I did a quick wet and set and wanted to stretch my curls out a bit without applying any heat, and I saw the bottle of Pantene.  So I tried it.  And. I LIKED IT!  Now I'm in the second day of doing a braid set.  Today was a little scary because I haven't worn my hair out in months and wasn't sure if it would cooperate or not, but with the absence of humidity, my curly set mop stayed in place for the most part, and has gotten me a bit excited about doing something different from my usual protective styling, so thank you Pantene Extra Straight comb-in-cream for hooking a sista up.  Big ups!

The Movie "Diary of A Tired Black Man" (sigh)

Oh. My. Gosh.
I am looking at this movie titled Diary of a Tired Black Man and Oh My Gosh!  Pardon me, but I'm going to have to take a couple of deep breaths in between each paragraph I write - heck, maybe even every sentence.

OK, here I go.  I happen to be flipping through the channels and fall on the channel with this film that I'd heard about many years ago.  Usually I am a strong supporter of films by people of color, especially independent films, but I'd seen a few clips and figured I'd see if eventually and wasn't in a rush to purchase it.
If there were ever a place to find a whole lotta stereotypes, ding-ding-ding... here it is.

Personally, I hate getting into there 'men ain't shyt, 'women ain't shyt' arguments that's on every Steve Harvey Morning Show or monthly cover of Essense magazine, but I felt more than compelled to speak on this documentary/drama. The narrator/ director - Lord Have Mercy - apparently he is married with kids now but at the time he made this movie, well, I suspect he may have needed to talk to someone as well. 

Well, here are some quotes or paraphrased statements by some of the participants

• women need to seek help and they refuse to do it 
• "all men want is respect and peace" 
• "all black women have an anger problem"
• An African dude says that most of the problems are with African American women ("they fight!"), and blames black women on why there is less marriage amongst us and why so many of the kids have problems.  
• "they mad just 'cause they can't get they way" (it's not grammatically correct, but that's what he said!  
• "women will wear your ass out!"  
• "women want a power struggle"
• they test you just to see how you react (a dude did this to me, and I ignored his a$$)
• "they trying to break you down."
• "enough is never enough, no matter what you do"

And then some of the things the women said:

• One chick says "there are no good black men out there" followed by "well, I haven't met any." 
• "a man is gonna do something to make a woman mad"

There were about 3 voices of reason (how generous of the filmmaker).  One particular brother said that we cant hold all black women accountable for the bullshit that one black woman brings into their lives (interestingly, the filmmaker/ narrator tries to throw several scenarios to get this dude to change his tune and he doesn't, and for that I say THANK YOU BROTHER).  I need to send him some flowers, because the majority of the people featured in this movie are miserable, are not to blame for anything that happens in their own lives, and according to them, black women are the devil.  And the female "character" who "represents" all black women in this film... wow, umm, yeah, ok....(honestly, I wanted to slap the heifer myself, not because she was an angry black woman, but because she was a pain in the a$$).


So now I'm going to get subjective.  I did not have the love of my father.  I have never been in a healthy relationship, and I have tried.  I even went so far - once, no, actually twice - as to compromise my needs in an effort to make it work, but that didn't last very long. 

When I get to know a man I don't put on my interview voice, I'm just me.  And while being me I have found that I'm the chick who doesn't show up at your job and act a 'fool for love' (I'm actually the chick who the other woman comes to her job to let me know that she has my man while he waits outside across the street, lol - which means I never really had him in the first place).  The same dude used the excuse of me working so much (40 hrs a week) as the excuse to cheat (instead of just saying 'this ain't working out no more').  I was told by another ex, "we don't argue" (that was a complaint).  Another walked out on me when I refused to get intimate minus him wearing a condom (literally walked out, like got dressed and left and didn't talk to me for 6 weeks).  Another "friend" who was initially cool with our 'friends with benefits situation" got mad at me for not calling him everyday, and at one point proceeded to call my cell, my land line, text, and email me constantly until I answered.

Now, it would be so easy to allow these instances to taint my view of men, but I think I've taken the mature approach by looking at past experiences and accepting the real reasons why those situations didn't work out.  It is what it is, and who knows where I would have ended up (or who I would have smothered with a pillow in his sleep) had I stuck those situations out.  In the grand scheme of things, and at the end of the day my first goal was to like myself - flaws and all.  And second, it is to get to the point where I am inspired enough to get pursue and work hard to stay in a healthy relationship.  That hasn't happened yet - for various reasons - but my life isn't over yet.  If it happens, great.  If not, well, I'll just knit, lol!  (And not watch this damn headache inducing movie again).

Tea Tree Oil

Tea Tree oil is an antibacterial antiseptic that is a popular natural agent for curing all three types of infectious organisms: fungus, bacteria, and virus.  Here are just a few things that Tea Tree oil treats:
acne, abscess, oily skin, blisters, sun burns, athlete's foot, warts, herpes, insect bites, rashes, dandruff and other minor wounds and irritations

Couple tea tree oil with pure Aloe Vera gel/ juice and you have a seriously powerful combination.

In my skin care regimen, I use a benzoyl peroxide based cleanser but I always follow up with pure tea tree oil (or a little recipe of 1/4 cup aloe vera, and 5 drops each of geranium and lavender oil each and 15 drops of tea tree oil).  Whether hormonal or stress related, I go through periods when I have break outs and at first I panic, thinking I need to purchase the next best big thing off the pharmacy store shelves, but then I remember to keep it simple and go with what works - tea tree oil (and its compadre aloe).  I have not gotten into the habit of using my concoctions daily instead as a preventative measure.  It usually takes about a week or so for the infected skin to turn over (a very stressful week which requires a lot of patience because I want the effects to be immediately complete, lol!), but once my skin gets the nourishment that it needs, it looks and feels great.  I just have to not fall off the wagon of this cleansing and treatment routine.  Once I get back on the wagon I may be able cut the benzoyl peroxide cleanser from the regimen.  I'm in no rush, but I'm on a 'less is more' kick.

Tea tree oil is also included in my hair oil and shea butter cream recipes.  I big chopped in early May, and cut about an inch again a couple of weeks ago.  When I first cut off all those inches back in May it was about getting my hair healthy again because of all the heat and styling damage.  I didn't care about length then, but that is the focus of this next phase, as I work to really treat my scalp/ skin in the hopes of getting back the hair length that I sported growing up.

Is all of this vain?  Maybe, but as someone who grew up battling acne and the scars it constantly left behind, having clear smooth skin is something that I never thought I could achieve without having to take very expensive medication.  Let's call it one of my biggest wishes for myself.  And as for my hair - I've always had a lot of hair, lol (my poor momma), and once I hit high school was always cutting it.  Now I want to go back to that length, and just continue forward on that 'less is more' kick that I mentioned previously.  Overall, my goal is to achieve a simpler way of life in as many aspects as possible, and incorporating tea tree oil into my beauty regimen has been tremendous!